For Once

Tonight, when I was on facebook, I reconnected with an old friend from High School. We grew up in similar situations, me being in a part-member family, and she being the only member in hers. We became close friends when I was living in Winnemucca before Daniel and I started dating, but unfortunately lost touch with one another over the past couple of years.

We started chatting on facebook about life, catching up a bit. She then explained that she has become inactive and has felt as if she is in the dark all alone. When she expressed this to me, I asked for divine guidance, since I have a LONG track record for messing things like this up when left to my own devices. As we chatted, I shared my testimony that the Lord, because of the atonement, loves her. I shared with her one of my more sacred personal experiences with the atonement, and as we chatted, I realized that the things I wanted to say were not right. I realized that if I backed off and took a moment to think about what I was saying, the Spirit would whisper to me the things I needed to say.

For example, we spoke about sin and transgression. I initially wanted to logically show her why what she thought wasn't correct, but I got the impression that I should share my testimony of the atonement instead. I now realize that I've never had the opportunity to share my testimony of the atonement, and I think my testimony is now much stronger than before I spoke with her. I asked her if she remembered learning about the atonement, and how Christ not only paid the price for her sins, but WANTED to pay the price for her sins. Because of that, he has a great compassion and love for us. While I understood the atonement, I didn't know that this is what I believe concerning it.

Eventually, she asked me if I would help her. I told her that I would, as much as I can. Since she was a bit reluctant to meet with members of the church where she now lives, I felt the impression to have her get in contact with the missionaries. This was another new thing for me. While I've always wanted to give the missionaries contact info, I have never felt, from the Spirit, that the time was right to have certain individuals meet with the missionaries. During one of the conference sessions, one of the speakers told of how sometimes the spirit would give him a sense of clarity. I thought of that as I proceeded to get her contact information so the missionaries in her area can meet with her. It was so clear to me to have her meet with the missionaries, and I can only say it was from the Lord, since I would not have chosen that route myself.

While I feel that I was in the right place for once to help a friend, I also realize that the Lord answered my humble prayer through her. While we were catching up on life, she asked me some questions which I have not wanted to answer to anyone else. However, with her, I felt a sense of calm and trust, and was able to talk to her about some experiences which I haven't been able to speak with anyone else about. Early on in the conversation, I was humbled as I was reminded of my simple but humble prayer, asking for a friend who knew what I was going through and who is going through the same things as me. Now while I'm still active in the church and she isn't, we grew up with similar childhoods and had the same group of friends in school. We're at similar stages of our lives, and have always been able to easily understand one another. Once again, the Lord has proved he knows what I need better than I do.

I'm humbled to know that I have begun to understand the atonement more fully. I'm humbled to know that since for once in my life I was in the right place I was able to do what the Lord wanted me to do. I have no idea if she'll embrace the gospel once again. I do know that based on how she was feeling before we spoke of the gospel, she found some peace in her mind. For my part, at least, I did what was needed and what was right. For once, I listened and obeyed, and helped someone who needed help. The Lord is the one who made things better tonight, but I am thankful and humbled by the fact that he let me help.

iPhoto

I just figured out how to work iPhoto, and I LOVE IT! Let me show you some of what I have been doing with it.

Before                                                                       

                   

                                                                       

   

Comments

So, as most of you probably noticed, our blog doesn't give the option to leave comments. I'm not trying to tell everyone "You are not worthy of commenting on us!" (Just in case anyone was offended.) It's broken. However, we do have email, phones, facebook, and if you are desperate enough, come see us to tell us what you thought about our posts! Meanwhile, I'll do my darndest to get the comments back up. Just for reference, the way the score stands at this point is: Blog:10 Stephanie: -5. (Yes, I did lose points to a mindless website.)

Obituary, Ipods, and The Question of Reality

On September 3, 2009, we regret to inform you that our Dell passed away peacefully in the night, surrounded by its friends, the TV, phone, and Wii. It is debatably survived by the now zombie virus-filled Toshiba, and will be missed by all those who loved it.

Seriously, though, our Dell TOTALLY died! It's battery reached the end of its life, so it couldn't charge anymore. This caused the power supply to become overworked and short out. So now, the computer has the limited functionality of lying on the floor as a flat surface to put drinks on. This would have been fine, since we have another laptop, except for the fact that my laptop has been used irresponsibly by yours truly. Now my laptop is your average zombie, attempting to eat the brains of other computers whenever it is allowed to access the internet. The virus it has also likes downloading its other virus friends, making the computer become less and less useful.

We talked it over, and since Daniel ABSOLUTELY needs his own laptop for school, decided to get a new laptop. So we looked up prices of laptops, and decided it would be worth it to just get a new one from the BYU bookstore. Daniel had wanted to get a cheaper PC, and I wanted a Mac. Realizing he is the one in school, and needing a computer more than me, I made my opinion known, but also tried to emphasize that the computer is mostly for him until I go back to school. Ultimately, we decided on the cheaper PC.

We went up to campus today before Daniel had to go to class to pick up the computer. When we got there, the guy working there told us they were completely SOLD OUT! I thought we would just go home and order one online at that point, but to my HUGE surprise, Daniel looked at me and said, "Want to look at the Mac?" What?? My penny-pinching, money-hoarding tightwad husband (Love you, honey!) ACTUALLY suggessted we look at an expensive Mac? Granted, we did get a nice grant for this semester, so we could technically afford a nice computer, BUT STILL! So we looked at the Mac, but Daniel needed to go to class, so we decided to decide on it after class.

Here I'm going to go off on a tangent for a second, since it's kind of funny and eventually ties back in. I'd opted to stay on campus and hang out while he was in class, so after he left, I went to the food court and got myself some tater tots. I sat down by myself, and as I contemplated the meaning of fry sauce and people with blond hair, I see this guy in a green shirt. I'll look like a terrible wife for saying this, but my first thought was "That guy looks good in green." Then I realized it was Daniel! To which I thought "MY guy looks good in green!" Followed by a brief moment of confusion. Didn't he just go to class? It turned out, he thought his class started an hour earlier than it really did, so we got to hang out for an extra hour.

He sat down next to me, and we shared my tots. As we ate, we talked about the computer situation, and we got into a loud, chair-throwing argument about it! Just kidding. I felt quite grown up since we both talked about the pros and cons of getting the mac, and finally, Daniel brought up the point that when I go back to school, it will be for design, so the Mac would probably be a better computer in the long run. I couldn't argue that, and since we had agreed we could afford it, we headed back to the bookstore to get the Mac. The floor worker told us the deals with getting the Mac: a free iPod and printer. I'm horribly vain, so I perked up at the words "free" and "ipod." Since we're both clumsy, we dropped the printer we have, and so Daniel perked up at "Free", "working," and "printer." At that point we were hooked! SO hooked, that when we found out the one we had agreed on was sold out, we agreed on getting a more expensive one! At that point, I was about to say no, but like I said, we were hooked. Anyway, as we're about to sell our firstborn child as payment for the computer, one of the managers came up to us, and told us he'd give us the computer on display, since it was the last one of the model we had wanted. With the idea of keeping our firstborn child as well as some cash, we jumped on that idea. So after they re-imaged it to be a new computer again, we suddenly had a MacBook, a new printer, and an iPod!

Okay, so now I'm waiting for Daniel to get home from work, and have started to wonder if this all really happened, or if I recently had a massive nervous breakdown and am now living in some kind of catatonic fantasy world. Really, that's what I wanted to get to. I think my sanity has been compromised. If I really did have a nervous breakdown, could someone tell my catatonic real self they love me? If not, Sweet! Free iPod!

Serious Post

(Just a note: This isn't us announcing anything. I'm totally not pregnant, and I don't want anyone to incorrectly assume so.)


I am approaching a point in my life which I have been either trying to rush or avoid for the past year. I've been acting out of terror, knowing that this moment has to come, but afraid of what will happen when it does. I've tried rushing it, trying to get it over with, or I've tried hiding from it, never wanting to face it. The moment has finally come, and all I can do at this time is flow with it, and wait for whatever comes next. Right now, the most terrifying thing to me is making all of this public. I'm tearing down walls I built to keep myself safe. To make things right, though, I have to let someone in. I have to talk, and I don't know how to be as honest and open as possible any other way. Maybe this is dumb, but it feels right.

The moment I have been anticipating has come. I've waited over a year for it, never knowing exactly when it would happen, but knowing it would. I wasn't even sure what exactly it would be. I just knew it would be from the Lord, somehow. Something would be set into motion, and I would be involved in it. It seems so simple, now that it's here.

It began Saturday night. Daniel and I were talking about our short-term plans, and he gently reminded me that as I am not working right now, it may be hard for my emotional health this semester. (Yes, I finally quit. It felt right and necessary to quit my job at NuSkin.) I realized the truth in his words, and thought about what would make my life have more meaning this semester. I don't have kids, so I wouldn't be able to wrap my life around them like I had planned on doing by now. I remembered that I felt most whole when I was in Young Women and would help organize and participate in service projects. I looked up United Way to see what I could do for them, and decided on making and donating a quilt to a program designed for At-Risk Youth. Since my quilt-making skills are far below average, it takes me quite some time to get my quilts right. Based on this, I figured I could get one done by Christmas, and donate it as a Christmas present.

Last night, our home teachers came over, and shared a lesson with us which brought to my mind an experience, the details of which I will not share at this time. What I will share from this experience is that the Lord heard the prayer of me as a small child when I only had the simple faith of a small child. He didn't have to, and could have let the consequenses of what was happening continue. He did hear me though, and this reminded me that he doesn't forget me. I sometimes forget him.

Today I got the supplies for my quilt, and began working on the blanket. As I cut the fabric and shaped the blocks, I had ample time to think. Since I was keeping busy, I wasn't able to dwell on much, which was a blessing to me. At unpredictable times as I felt a twinge of guilt, thinking of some of the things I have said or done, which at the time seemed harmless, but looking back, realized I had said or done something which may have been considered rude. The worst ones were when I realized I had good intentions, but didn't listen to the Spirit, so ended up hurting the ones I was trying to help. Like I said, I was busy, so didnt dwell on these experiences too much.

Before Daniel went to bed tonight, we were talking, and I realized that I have been placing my life on hold, actually, a better phrase would be that I haven't been living my life, waiting to have a baby. In waiting for this, and being consistantly dissappointed, I haven't been enjoying anything in my life that the Lord has blessed me with. I realized all of this, and came to the conclusion that I need to stop waiting for this event that just isn't happening. It's time to stop letting myself hurt so deeply over my loss, and stop wasting the precious days I have on this earth. In all of this, I don't feel a sense of obligation to do any of this. Instead, I feel the river of peace which, for me, means it is time to go and do.

At this time, it is so simple. It is time to get up, and listen to the promptings of the spirit as I do what the Lord requires. I could run and try to hide, but this isn't the time to do so. I could say "no," but that would not be right. What I will do is flow with this river of peace I feel, and let it take me wherever it will.

Epiphany

I was reading a book just now, and in it, one of the characters talked about the concept of immortality. The way he phrased it was like this, "Can you imagine never dying? Never fading? Existing, as you are, for all time?"

I always understood simply being immortal as a step down from having eternal life, but never understanding why, exactly. I guess I thought that being simply immortal had the disadvantage of not being with the Lord. In a sudden moment, while I was reading, I came to understand that being simply immortal means I'm in this state, undying, forever. Of course, in the Resurrection, the world will most likely be a much different place, but at that point I will not have progressed or have further opportunity to grow. I will live forever at that point, but, being without the Lord, my existence would mean almost infinitely less than if I had obtained eternal life.

Perhaps that's why it's phrased "eternal life." It is an eternity of purpose and meaning, therefore an eternity of life, rather than just an eternity of existence. For quite some time, I've struggled with the idea of existing vs. living. We can exist without living a day of our lives. We can exist, intentionally or not, without purpose and meaning in our lives, denying ourselves the joy we would otherwise feel. That purpose which brings us joy and sorrow is what causes us to live rather than to simply exist. I think I'm finally beginning to understand...

More Gold's Gym

Okay, to update on this fiasco, I finally ended up driving to the cooperate office, where they told me it would be impossible to cancel my current membership. As a consolation, they had me sign something that says I dont want to continue my membership after the contract is up. (Oh, and they normally charge $5 for it, but she said she wouldnt have me pay.) On top of that, they said my account was delinquant! Way to kill my credit without contacting me at all...I fixed that issue, so hopefully in 3 months Golds Gym will be a distant memory to my poor checking account.